The Good Consent Guide

All you need to know about something that really matters.

So, what is consent?

Sexual consent means 'willing agreement'.

Making sure you get and give consent before having any kind of sex with another person (or people) really matters.

Consent should always be clear, so you must ensure you have it or have given it.

Sex is only sexy when it’s between two people who have given their consent.

Sex without consent is rape.

How do I know if consent has been given?

When you fancy someone and want to have sex, always check they want it too. If you are not sure - ask. They might tell you directly, or show you with their actions. For example:

  • Looking at you, smiling and nodding
  • Being relaxed and happy
  • Being enthusiastic and responsive
  • Telling you what they want
  • Responding to you with their body, e.g. kissing you back and touching you
  • Murmuring sweet nothings into your ear

If the person says any of these things or something similar - stop.

‘No’ ‘I don’t know’
‘I’m not sure’ ‘Not now’
‘Get off’ ‘Don’t do that’
‘I feel worried’ ‘Do I have to?’
‘Stop’ ‘Not again’

Signs consent hasn't been given

If the person you want to have sex with shows any of these signs - don't have sex with them.

Slurred speech Passing out Stillness
Incoherent talking Sleeping No eye contact
Resistance No eye contact Rigid or tense body
Silence Shaking Flinching
Crying Frozen or frightened expression  

If it’s not your body, it’s not your decision. Make sure it's clear you have consent.

It's okay to say no to sex

Having sex with another person, or people, is your choice.  If you don't want to have sex with someone - you don't have to. 

You may feel under pressure from your friends or someone you've just met who wants to have sex, but it's okay to say no to sex. 

If you've said yes to sex, but then change your mind you can still say no to sex. 

It's your body. It's your choice.  Sex without consent is rape. No means NO.

Important things to remember

Drinking together doesn't = sex later

Sex in the past doesn't = sex now

Flirting and kissing doesn't = sex too

No consent = no sex

Sex without consent is rape

Where to get help if an offence has been committed

Click here for help in Devon and Cornwall

Click here for help in Dorset

Tea and consent

The animation is being used with permission by Thames Valley Police

If you’re still struggling with consent just imagine instead of initiating sex you’re making them a cup of tea.

Animation courtesy of Emmeline May at and Blue Seat Studios. Copyright © 2015 RockStarDinosaurPiratePrincess and Blue Seat Studios. Images are Copyright ©2015 Blue Seat Studios.

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